Parent Friends
I have a variety of topics to talk about. This one keeps coming up for me.
Let me back track and I mean way back to when I was little to really get into this one.
So when I was little my Mom didn’t really engage with other parents at school. She was pleasant and exchanged pleasantries but she didn’t make herself available. Not socially. My Mom was very private. Her inner circle was small. The parents at the school never stood a chance! Play dates involved drop offs and pick ups. No coffees and chit chats with other Moms while we played.
I guess that growing up this way I thought that when I had children I would pretty much stick to my circle of friends I had before any of us had children. I never really thought I would get close to other women or parents. I felt very protective of my life before children and thought I would solely stick to those that I was already close to. I am not as private as my Mom but I am a little guarded and even shy although I’m sure people would say NO WAY you are NOT shy! I promise I am. A little. I get very anxious in social situations that I am not familiar with. Also I had this weird preconceived thinking that if I hung out with Moms then that would be it for me. The end. I would lose myself in being a Mom and not the individual I was previously.
After I gave birth to my daughter in 2013 I had terrible postpartum depression. As I do, I thought I would deal with it on my own but it became too hard to deal with. I called our local health unit and was directed to a post-partum society (who were amazing) and I was also directed to a Mom Group they were running. It was called Baby Daze. I was a month away from it ending (I believe. I’m not super clear on the exact details) but they said I could come and check it out. At that time I was too into the post-partum and I was super shy and anxious to try the group. I wish I would have. The women in it were amazing. Are amazing. But it was something I missed out on because of my anxiety and because of my preconceived thinking about Mom groups. I still thought I would do it on my own and I would stick to my own circle of friends. I have since met many of the Moms in that group and a few are actually really good friends now. I’m still getting to know others but they are amazing women.
I went to a few drop in programs locally before any schooling started but I didn’t find other Moms that friendly. At least that’s what I told myself. If I am honest maybe I wasn’t the friendly one. I didn’t make a real effort to go and talk to anyone. I still had this thought that I was there for my daughter to socialize but I wasn’t. Ridiculous!
Fast forward to my daughter going to preschool at age 3. I can tell you that my anxiety was through the roof. My little girl was starting school and I had to start socializing with people who weren’t my friends! Eeks! BUT you know what? I started to meet the most fantastic Moms and Dads. I let my guard down little by little and found myself going to pick ups a little earlier to chat with new friends. Again when she went to preschool at age 4 I met more parents. We met parents in the summer at events. We met parents at activities we enrolled our daughter in.
I have to say thank goodness for social media. It has definitely changed the course of how parents communicate and for that it’s a pretty good thing because not only was I meeting parents at events, activities and school but I joined an amazing local Mom group and it saved my life. I joined it after my postpartum was pretty much under control for the most part and it opened my mind to talking more, asking for advice, and engaging with local Moms. Eventually (and still) I have met Moms from that group in person. Never did I think I would but I did and have and it has been such a positive experience.
Kindergarten was a big one for me. It also has got to be another topic all on its own for another blog! I had big anxiety with Kindergarten for the obvious reason(s) but one was meeting new parents again and being around so many other parents of children in an actual school and not preschool. So far it’s been great. I have met some wonderful ladies and I have also gotten a chance to talk more with Moms that I already knew. It is so nice to meet different people that live in the community.
We had a birthday party for my daughter in September and I can’t explain how special it was to not only have our daughter’s little friends there but we had parents there that we really like. That we think of as friends. We wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was the most amazing feeling to come together like that. I think maybe because I didn’t know of this growing up it is still foreign to me so I really appreciate it. I appreciate the friendships I’m making, I’m appreciating the advice I get. I appreciate the affection people have for my little girl. It fills my heart.
I am so fortunate to have met some really great families. Some are even on our emergency list at school and that is a really big deal for me. Trust and letting people in. Who knew that was a good thing?! LoL
Dare I say that my circle of friends has expanded and keeps expanding? Dare I say that I get the best feeling talking to a lot of parents. I walk away from conversations and say “I have got to write about this”.
Parent Friends … definitely under-rated. Try it!
Tiffani
tiffani_warnick@yahoo.com
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