Kindergarten Part I
Part I because it’s only the start of the year and I am sure I will have many more thoughts on the topic.
Kindergarten. How did it come to be so quickly? How is my little girl already 5 years old?
My heart. My poor heart and my poor over thinking brain.
It’s not all bad. Good aspects. I promise. haha
I am so sentimental. Damn it. I get that from my Mom. I am mostly sentimental for the innocence before school. It’s not gone yet but boo hiss I can feel it will be a matter of time. I don’t want to sound so pessimistic but I like to keep it real. It’s what I do!
When our daughter had her Kindergarten orientation she was standing in line. She wasn’t nervous or scared. She was eager to get in there and just do her thing. I love that about her. Whatever the situation she is excited to see what it is and get to it. As I watched her I felt the tears. I felt a sinking feeling that this was going to be it. Her beautiful little innocence was going to be tested soon. She would find out that it wasn’t going to be easy, that there could be some hard times and I just felt sad. Could not help it because it really is the truth.
I also worried about things that my husband thought I should relax on. I was worried she’d get lost, wander off, get abducted. Oh yah, I let my brain go there. That’s also thanks to my Mom who always scared me by telling me there was always a chance of an abduction. So the night before school actually started do you think I slept? Or do you think I stayed up all night thinking of every worst case scenario possible? Most people worried about their kids eating lunch. Let them starve I would say, but don’t let them get abducted!!
The good news is, she has loved it so far. For the most part. At our parent/teacher interview we were told she loves our daughter’s enthusiasm, willingness, her vibrant personality. All really encouraging things. She really is so enthusiastic about school. It is fantastic. She is loving her music class, loves gym, loves art, is starting to get a love of reading at home. Watching her read books to her Dad is so sweet (she’s not actually reading but she’s mimicking how the teachers read to the class). She tells us about her teachers and other children she plays with. Everything is so new and exciting for her. I love seeing how good she is getting at writing her name. Both she and another boy in the class have the longest names (what was I thinking?!) so seeing the progress is heart warming for me.
For me? I finally stopped crying in the car when driving home last week. Only took a little over a month. I don’t mean to sound very dramatic but I was losing my little side kick. We had been together almost every single day (minus the 2/3 days a week she went to preschool when she was 3 and 4 years old). The adjustment was and still is there for both of us. My heart hurts in the mornings if I feel she didn’t hear me tell her I love her enough. I try to say it at least 2-3 times before she goes into school. Might sound ridiculous to some but I just want her to feel loved and feel secure each and every day she walks into school. I want her to carry that with her to get through anything she might need to feel secure through.
So all in all everything has been going pretty well. There are some bumps in the road and I feel like I’ve left her out to dry leaving her at school at times. 5 is still young. Very young to navigate situations. As her Mom I feel that when she’s upset about something at school I have failed her. This is me. Thanks again to my Mom I inherited her “feel as guilty as you can” gene.
It’s a matter of figuring out for myself how to handle situations that are really new to me with this whole school thing. I really am not a fan of adulting these days.
Kindergarten … watch for lots of sequels on this topic! Maybe and hopefully next time it will have a few more unicorns and rainbows 😉
Tiffani
tiffani_warnick@yahoo.com
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